For a number of years I’ve been selecting a set of feelings that represent what I most want to feel in the coming year. Danielle LaPort does a great job of describing this in her Desire Map books and seminars if you aren’t familiar.

Her method helped me realize that my actual goal wasn’t to take a family adventure trip together, but for our blended family to feel connected. The vacation wasn’t in the budget, but opportunities for connection were all around. It’s improved my decision making and resulted in achieving far more of what I really wanted. And this year we even got the vacation together.

It’s hard to isolate the top desired feelings from so many wonderful choices. After all what woman doesn’t want to feel energetic, sexy, free, empowered, strong, abundant, peaceful, nourished, and an endless number of other options? However, despite all the other options, that feeling of connection perpetually makes my top thee. And it’s the one I never forget.

This first arose during a period of extreme disconnection in my life when moving to another country coincided with a time of estrangement within my family. I felt alone and apart. To counter this I sought experiences each day that would lead to the feeling of connection – with life, with friends, with my husband and children, and with my new culture.

Later, came an understanding that healing my relationship with food required forging a new connection with myself in mind, body, and spirit, as well as with others, and the world outside.

As I’ve questioned where I want to go with my writing and teaching it’s become clearer that connection is essential. I won’t enjoy or do my best work in the absence of connection. But more importantly healing requires connection.

As Brene Brown has found in her study of shame – healing our relationship with food and with ourselves requires bringing this into the open in the presence of at least one other witness. Our disconnection from our bodies and appetite are experiences of aloneness and shame. It’s what makes us question what’s wrong with me? It’s what keeps us dieting, craving, binging, and overeating.

I know your pain.I’m ahead of where I was, but still searching and growing. For this reason I’d love to connect with no agenda other than deeper understanding. If you would like to talk about your struggle with food, eating, and your body, get on my calendar here (and if you need another time, fill out the contact form)



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As referenced above, The Desire Map – A Guide to Creating Goals With Soul by Danielle LaPorte can introduce you to the method of using your most desired feelings as a guide to what you most want in life.

For more resources, check out our Resources page.

I’d love to have your input. Join the conversation on Facebook at Women Eat Community or use this contact form.

We’ve got much more coming, so stay tuned!

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